[ Sky – Master Post ]
Title: Ten Things About Baron
Warnings: Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll
Notes: I don’t talk a lot about Baron, so a fair swath of this is going to be eyebrow-raising stuff. The important thing to keep in mind is that he’s nine years younger than Severen, so he was just barely 18 the first time they went on tour, and within five years of that, he was rapidly accelerating toward fame. That growing up shit that people do, between high school and the real world? Baron missed all of it.
1. He’s the blondest Jew ever to escape from Texas. No shit. He doesn’t look it, but he grew up in a yarmulke.
2. He’ll do anything once, as long as it doesn’t involve needles, eyeballs, or dead people. This has led to all sorts of shenaniganery, some of which he doesn’t talk about, at all, because he’s not entirely sure it was real.
3. Sometimes he considers asking Sin if they can do it again. Not that he’s gay or anything, just that he should probably have been something like sober for that, because he woke up on Severen’s expensive Persian rug with a blanket and two used condoms and some extremely vague recollections of how they got used. For once, he thinks the whole story might’ve been important.
4. He’s got nothing against sleeping. In fact, he actually likes sleeping. It’s just that sometimes partying sounds like a whole lot more fun, and then he forgets he was supposed to have slept, this week…
5. He’s never actually had gonorrhoea, but he’s more than happy to refer to every other STD he’s caught as ‘the clap’. They’ve been curable, to date…
6. He’s a fan of the parodic morality literature and comedies of manners of the eighteenth century, much to Severen’s dismay, and he gets drunk and quotes ‘Joseph Andrews’, to great ironic effect.
7. Despite being a stumbling example of the rock ‘n roll lifestyle, he’s got a real hate-on for people with no sense of personal responsibility. Sure, he’s a drunken fuck with a tally of STDs next to his mirror and a baggie of meth and mushrooms in his pocket, but he’s got no illusions that it’s anyone’s doing but his own. He’s sold on the idea that drugs are a good thing, but sometimes you need to go to rehab, to re-establish who’s in control.
8. He loves the smell of dry cleaning shops.
9. He’s never owned a credit card, and handles most purchases in cash. This may have something to do with what he tends to spend money on, but the habit was running strong when he walked into the dealership with a briefcase of cash, to buy his Datsun.
10. His heroes are James Bond and David Bowie. More than anything, he’s sure that being smooth, witty, and eccentric is the answer to everything.