Title: Things Not To Say On the Streets of Shi’Kahr
Fandom: ST XI
Characters: Spock, Kirk, Uhura, Starek, Stavret
Warnings: Spock’s paint-peeling command of Vulcan expletive.
Notes: OP asked for some Vulcan swearing. I gleefully provided some.
From this prompt:
So, I had this crazy idea.
What if calling someone illogical was the equivalent of some Serious Swearing on Vulcan (like, the same as cursing them out in English)? So when some Vulcans are visiting the ship and see Spock and Kirk bantering away they are all, "WTF you talk to your captain like that?" and Kirk has no clue and is just laughing it off.
ALTERNATELY (but not as fun), y’all can just come up with some ways that Vulcans curse in Standard. They obviously can’t use normal swear words, since they are highly illogical ("He’s an ass."/"I don’t see how the captain bears any resemblance to a human’s posterior, Doctor."). This one could maybe be 5+1? I dunno.
C’mon, anons! YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.
Spock’s ear twitched, and his eyebrow arced upward. "That is a most illogical proposition, Captain. But, I would expect no less from such an emotional creature as yourself."
Kirk laughed, and the two Vulcan diplomats, standing behind him, stared intently at Spock. "Spock, you know I’m not so good at logic, but I’m great at doing the impossible. Have Scotty realign the deflectors, and we’ll show these Romulans why you don’t take the Federation flagship at face value."
"Yes, Captain. It will be done."
Kirk sauntered out of the room, to head back to the bridge, and one of the Vulcans turned to Spock. "Kal-tor khart-lan t’du du stariben na’ish-veh svi’ish’le?"
It was all part of the ritual. To prove the integrity of the crew and their good intentions, one of them had to carry the boiling copper kettle from one side of the massive chamber to the other. Spock had simply walked away from the huddle and lifted it. He had self-control, in abundance, and this was an opportunity to use it to prevent his captain from stepping into harm’s way.
About halfway across the floor, the ornate vinework of the copper-looking handles began to crawl upward, twining about his arms. He couldn’t have set the kettle down, if he wanted to — not that he had any intention of doing anything so dishonourable. A single sentence exited his mouth, low and clear, in Vulcan, and Uhura’s eyes snapped wide, but Spock did not waver in the least, until the kettle was laid upon the pedestal, at the far side of the room, and the vines released his scalded arms.
He refused to translate the words he’d spoken — "dah-sahaisaya, ne’lan-tol t’khaf-tukh – masutra-halovaun kotik" — and Uhura refused to repeat them. It was probably for the best. No sense in reminding anyone else that he wasn’t all Vulcan.
It was one of his father’s aides who chose to insult his captain, and Spock was feeling a little possessive, after all he and Kirk had been through to ensure the success of this particular diplomatic excursion.
"Vesht putaurau nash-veh vesht ri’aisha khart-lan t’du tevakh t’etek – k’ri’olozhika t’ish-veh," Stonek drawled, subtly disapproving. For a Vulcan, of course, there was a way to mean that in a complimentary fashion — sort of an indication of pleasant surprise, rather than of barely-avoided horror.
"Vesht putaurau vakavik na’tren’es t’ish-veh svi’nuf t’duta’es," Spock intentionally misinterpreted, with a shallow bow of acknowledgement, before his eyes hardened slightly, and he continued, in the same wholly unemotional tone. "Hi zhu-tor va’ashiv nash-veh vlitau du khart-lan t’nash-veh – dahl-tor nash-veh sakal t’du heh terau t’au pa’lahv t’du. Ki’nam-tor ranal na’ish-veh. Ri’kata’uh weh-mesh na’skann svi’ha-kel t’nsh-veh."
Those were fighting words, and unmistakeably so. Stonek’s cheekbones flashed a brilliant green, as he regarded Spock. "Vesht than saven-tor sa-mekh t’du ri’yeht-shila-kloshai – rish-ha-vel?"
"Ri’ten do vesht saven-tor sa-mekh t’du na’du. Du mesh-veh – heh dungi-katau du na’belgan t’sa-mekh t’nash-veh." Spock raised an eyebrow and cocked his head, antagonistically, before heading for the door. "Nash-veh ulef-vulkhansu. Tobeg t’du ra?"
The aliens were at it again, with their divide and conquer strategies. In all his years in the fleet, Spock had lost count of how many times new species had tried and failed with these tactics. This time, they were offering him godlike abilities and a starship of his own.
"Stariben du Vulkhansu ha?" Spock asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"Ha, than etek," the being replied, and Spock wondered how it had learned the complex language in the four days he had been in their possession. Maybe they had met his kind, before. Or, maybe they’d just stolen the Universal Translator sets for it. On the whole, that wasn’t relevant to the situation. The important thing was that they could understand him, and Kirk and McCoy couldn’t.
"Marom. Ri’aitlu ken-tor katravahsu t’nash-veh ra tvai tvar-tor na’du." Spock’s head tilted in that way it only did, when he was up to something. "Nufau tu t’nash-veh kal-tash t’Enterprise heh kup’es pidesh pehka-yehat tash fi’sutra, vinan-tor khart-lan heh nen-has-lan?"
"Yes, that is correct."
"Sem-rik nufai, hi dva-tor komihn zhit-bal if dan-marom zhelesh kesaya t’nash-veh fi’nufai t’tu ‘lahv-tor lok t’nash-veh’." He nodded and made finger quotes. "Worla svik-tor wuh-katravahsu t’nash-veh, heh ac’ruth ri na’duh-ugaya maut."
For that, he spent three days being tortured, while they tried to break Kirk, before Scotty got them out. For all that Vulcans are a generally non-violent race, Spock had a deliciously wicked rush of pleasure when Sulu opened fire on the foreign ship’s engines, and the warp core redistributed their atoms across half the system.
The lime-green Klingon scout ship was hailing them — unusual, but not implausible. It was when the viewer came on that everything began to come apart at the seams. Two elderly … Vulcans? sat on the bridge. Well, one of them looked more Vulcan than the other. The other was probably Romulan, which meant the first likely was as well. Spock just stared, and Kirk greeted them.
"Khart-lan Jim! It is a pleasure to see you again!" the more flamboyant of the two Romulans began. "Oh, but you don’t know us, do you? That’s fine. You may, in time. I am S’thora Starek. We are looking for Spock."
Spock stood up. "I am Spock. I would assume from your lack of shields that your intent toward us is non-violent."
"Non — Oh. Oh, dear. This is one of those places. Stavret, take a mark. There’s an instance, here," the flamboyant Romulan sighed, and his compatriot nodded, attending to the console. "Permission to speak freely on the subject of temporal variance, in front of your crew, Khart-lan?"
Kirk nodded, entirely baffled. "My crew and I were there, when a time-traveller destroyed Vulcan. You can talk temporal dynamics to them."
"Destroyed … Vulcan?" Starek paled. "Stavret, take a mark."
He sat, dazed, on the corner of a console. "Tushah nash-veh k’odu, k’diwa."
"Ri’t’du," Spock remarked, in confusion, raising an eyebrow.
"No, you aren’t. I am looking for another instance of you. I am looking for the one who came from my time," the flamboyant one continued. "I am looking for my husband."
The entire bridge fell silent and stared at the viewer.
"Ambassador Selek was beloved to another, in his time. Your husband is not here, or if he is, we have not encountered him. It is possible that he fell elsewhere in the timeline." Spock pointed out, still absorbing the impact.
"Imirrhlhhse. Forgive the intrusion, then. Many times and many places were disrupted when Romulus lost continuity in that one place, at that time. But, I ask you to remember, should you meet us, in some place, in this time, we will not be at all as we first appear." Starek bowed, in the traditional Romulan fashion, and then raised his hand in the ta’al. "Stavret, prepare to jump."
The viewer clicked back to the outside of the ship, and then the scout ship was gone, in a rippling black flash.
"Lieutenant Uhura, please put your fingers in your ears," Spock commanded, after a brief pause.
"In your ears. Your fingers. Now." One of his ears twitched.
"Yes, sir." She watched him, in baffled fascination, fingers firmly blocking her hearing.
"Dah-sahaisaya ek’ashalik pekh nash-pekh ra? Katelal na’Rihansu? Telik na’Rihansu farr-halovaun? Yokul nash-veh ta’bek than ish-veh ra? Vlitah na’vokaya t’T’Khasi. Vlitah nafu na’kau t’nash-veh." Spock spoke calmly, over his upturned hands, giving the impression of a man in prayer. At last, he cricked a finger, and Uhura unblocked her ears. "Thank you, Lieutenant. That was a personal moment."
and that one time…
Spock dropped the tricorder on his foot and stared back over his shoulder at the captain. "I am uncertain I heard you, properly. Would you repeat that, Captain?"
"I said, ‘Nemaiyo na’yuzhat t’du‘," Kirk repeated, with a wicked smirk.
Spock looked dismayed. "Ki’stariben du Vulkhansu nosahp t’farr ra?"
"Captain, I apologise. I will attempt to maintain greater professionalism in the future." Spock stiffened.
"Worla vesht stariben ri’tizh-tor ish-veh. Keep it up, Mr. Spock. It pleases me that someone around here speaks his mind," Kirk laughed.
Both of Spock’s eyebrows arced up. "U’istau tu, Khart-lan, ni’dungi nam-tor ish-veh."