[Master Post – Glass]
Title: Cracked
Fandom: Viridian Legacy: Glass
Characters: Betty, Arkady, Baron, Severen, Lir, Sin
Rating: T (L2 N0 S0 V0 D0)
Warnings: Expletives, nerdy gamer nerds making nerdy gamer jokes
Notes: Ok, if you don't know the origins of 'I cast magic missile! At the darkness!' you need to go watch this video, first. No, I didn't nick any lines from it, but there's a whole cultural stereotype that I'm messing with here, and that's the fastest and funniest way to convey it.
"Evan? Are you drinking my Cherry Coke?" Betty looked up from the open book, in front of her. "Sev, are you done with that sheet yet?"
"If I was drinking your Cherry Coke, you'd know, because I'd be over there with my head in the sink, trying to wash out my mouth. This is my Dr. Pepper, fuck you very much." Arkady tossed his character sheet onto the book. "Elven rogue. High charisma, higher dex. Neutral evil and racist against humans."
Severen didn't even hear the question, just stared at the page, with an expression of increasing frustration, until Baron leaned over his shoulder. "Gimmie the pencil, Sev. It's this number, here. Just add those up and write it over there. And trust me when I tell you that if you're playing a wizard, you want a couple more points here. I know it doesn't sound logical, but the minute you get in a fight, you'll see why." "I can't believe you nerds talked me into this," Lir joked, opening a bag of chips. "Looks like it could be fun, though."
"Us nerds, he says." Arkady chuffed derisively and leaned against the wall. "Careful with yourself, Mr Social Stability, don't want the nerd germs rubbing off on you."
"What are you even playing?" Betty pulled Lir's sheet from under the book. "Human paladin. I should have guessed. That's so you. LG and everything."
"I would have picked neutral good, but the book said paladins had to be lawful," Lir argued.
"Yeah, it's because of the training and following the rules of the order, or some shit. Monks have to be lawful, too. Still, it makes you wonder what the fuck you're supposed to do with paladins of a chaotic god, since you have to be within one alignment of your deity." Arkady could poke holes in just about any alignment restriction, and took a particular joy in the evil assassin argument. "Who'd you pick?"
"Somebody I can't spell." Lir laughed. "God of smacking things with mallets, I think."
"Kind of a Dwarven choice, don't you think?" Stepping away fron the wall, Arkady took another sip of his drink and started to look interested.
"He just looked more interesting than the default human god guy." Lir shrugged and sat down, putting the bag of chips on the table.
"You know we're going to have some issues, right? There will be no end of calling your roundear shit that would make a sailor flinch." Arkady paused and looked at Betty. "I'm going to need a really good reason to be in this party, aren't I?"
"Half-elven ranger!" Baron piped up, thrusting his fists into the air in an ironic gesture of triumph. "You only hate half of me!"
"That depends on what the other half is. I get that the game is like, notoriously human-centric, but who the fuck said the other half always has to be human? I mean, what's wrong with half elf and half gnome, or something?" Arkady shook his head, in dismay. "I know, I know. The stats for half-whatever just assume the other half is human, because if you took the time to spec out half of everything that could be halfed with, it would be bigger than the monster manual."
"And Sin's already got your weird half and half covered," Betty pointed out. "Half elf, half dragon."
"All bard," Sin pointed out from the couch.
"Oh, god, I should have seen that a mile away. You and your damn charisma," Arkady griped, meaning none of it.
Baron finally took the paper away from Severen, bringing it to Betty. "Speaking of gnomes, gnomish wizard. True neutral. Took my advice and traded charisma for constitution."
"You never told us what you were playing. Are you playing or are you just running the game?" Severen asked.
"Oh, god. That's right. You don't already know. I haven't even seen her sheet and I can already tell you she's playing a Drow cleric. She always plays a Drow cleric." Arkady laughed. "The extra rolls for scaring villagers and getting run out of towns always make things more… um… exciting."
"I put enough points in disguise, this time!" Betty insisted, throwing a d4 at Arkady. "Where the hell is my Cherry Coke?"
"I think a certain gnome put your six in the fridge," Lir pointed out.
"Guys, we have the party from hell. What are we all doing in the same place at the same time?" Arkady dropped into a chair and grabbed a handful of chips, as Betty went to check the fridge.
"Divine intervention?" Baron suggested. "The gods made us do it… whatever it turns out to be. What are we doing?"
"Dungeon crawl, holy artifact, legends of horrifying monstrosities." The hollow ptink of a can being pulled from a six pack echoed out of the kitchen, and Betty followed it. "So, sure, divine intervention works. The gods want you to get the holy artifact away from the monsters before the monsters figure out how to use it. But, that means we need more gods, so it's not just the paladin and me. I vote your character doesn't even have to like the god, but just has to have get the idea that not helping will hurt a lot more than going on a quest."
Arkady's mouth opened, but he thought twice and closed it. Not in front of company, he thought, and grabbed some more chips.
Severen finally joined them at the table, and Sin watched, from where he lay on the couch. "This means I have to get up, doesn't it," he groaned, before hoisting himself over the arm of the couch and onto his feet.
As they all settled around the table, sorting out character sheets and dice, Betty started to read from the book, in front of her, ad-libbing in a few places. "The town is called Chisholm, and it seems to be a quiet place. Farmers work in their fields, and women chat around the well. But, there is a strange tension that hangs over the scene. Children play quietly, close to the buildings, and dogs growl as you pass. But, this is the place you were told to go. The vision said to meet the others in the tavern."
"I'm going to talk to the women by the well, first," Lir declared, and the game was on.
