Title: Runem-tor Ha’kiv
Fandom: ST XI
Characters: Spock, Uhura, Kirk, Spock!Prime
Warnings: Kirk’s mouth
Notes: This is part two of Jackie’s request (2211 words). Spock!Prime has become his younger self, and he’s begun to make the changes he feels are necessary.
Being Spock was somewhat more difficult than Selek had anticipated. For one thing, the apparent relationship with Nyota Uhura was beyond his sensibilities. The very idea of laying a hand on Scotty’s — except she wasn’t Scotty’s anything, here. Surely, Spock wouldn’t be terribly offended if he brought about some changes, and a more fulfilling relationship for everyone involved. It was only logical to create peace and happiness for as many of one’s friends as possible, even if those people hadn’t yet recognised one as a friend. After all, Vulcans didn’t have ‘friends’, anyway. They had katravahsu, which was much the same thing, with no connotation of emotional involvement. Many Vulcans, it seemed, were full of excrement — his own rather emotional father being the prime example.
It was with some trepidation that Spock approached Uhura’s quarters. This would be the hardest part. He was not pleased with the idea of hurting the person who had been one of his closest friends, in his own time, but this was for the greater good. She would find happiness where she belonged.
The doors slid open. "Nyota, I must speak with you."
"Spock! They’ve finally let you out of sickbay!" Uhura hugged him and then stepped back. "Come in!"
He did so, but kept his eyes off her face. "You will not be pleased with what I have come to tell you, but it must be said. I cannot put you through more pain than is necessary."
"What’s happened? What are you talking about?" Uhura was, understandably, confused.
"I am not the man I was, before that mission. You know I spent some minutes deceased, while the doctor worked to save me. I know that my encounter with death, though brief, has changed me." He took a breath and arranged his thoughts. "As much as I care for you, you are not my t’hy’la. You are not a part of me. You knew this, and I thought you knew this day might come.
"I consider you a very good friend — a person I would do nearly anything for — but, I cannot continue our present relationship. My death has made me aware of things I had no knowledge of, before. I know, now, that there is someone waiting for me. I know, also, that someone is waiting for you. I do not wish to stand against the momentum of the universe, as, generally, that is an excellent way to get overrun. I apologise for not realising these things, sooner, but I think, some things, the katra must leave the body to know."
"You’re… breaking up with me? Because you died?" For a linguist, Uhura was slow to extract the full meaning of Spock’s words. "And you think that you and I are supposed to be with other people, because of some vision you had, while you were dead?"
"That is an essentially accurate assessment, yes. The finer points are debatable, but that is, in essence, the point I have come to make." Spock nodded.
"That’s ridiculous and illogical. You were hallucinating, because you were dying. People see their worst fears, when that happens. It doesn’t mean they’ll come true."
"As little credence as we give unproven theory, it is inaccurate to say that there is no religion on Vulcan. It is merely that the care and handling of the katra is a process proven by repeated testing and the passage of time. Reports of death visions, and their accuracy, date back thousands of years." Here, he told the truth, but implied untruth with it. The death visions were real. Those whose katras were re-installed in their own bodies reported them, and they had a tendency to be accurate. However, Spock could not report one, because Selek had taken his place. "I know that when you sing, he will hear you. He already sighs, when he sees you, but he says nothing, because you are mine. As foolish as it sounds, I believe he will woo you with sandwiches, when he learns that you are alone, again."
"I think McCoy gave you the good drugs. Go sleep this off for a day or two, and when he can tell me you’re off the pills, I’ll listen to anything you want to say." Uhura patted him on the shoulder. "Go take a nap, Spock. You’re not making sense."
"I am perfectly within my–"
"Go. Now. I’m going to go talk to the doctor about whatever he’s giving you. Maybe it’s just not good for Vulcans." She nudged him toward the door, and Spock finally took the hint and returned to his quarters.
As it happened, Spock was already off the drugs, and the doctor confirmed it. Uhura was sufficiently irate to avoid Spock for the next three days. On the evening of the third day, she arrived at his quarters, bearing a small bottle of chocolate liqueur. Spock let her in, but declined to drink.
"Tell me who you’ve fallen in love with," Uhura commanded.
"I cannot. I am not in love."
"Then why are you breaking up with me?"
"Because I am not in love. It is not fair to either of us to persist in this charade." Spock stood still, hands clasped behind his back. "When you are away from me, I do not know you. I do not feel you. It seems I am in some ways more Vulcan than I wished to believe. In death, I learned that I can feel that pull, and that I do not feel it from you. I must seek what I am missing, and there is no affront to you intended. It is a Vulcan problem, and one I must solve for myself, or I will slowly go mad."
Selek, of course, had gone mad long ago. He had lost his Kirk and almost lost his Kirk more times than any man should be presented with the potential demise of his other half. It was part of what had made him such an excellent diplomat, really. He feared almost nothing, once Jim had been taken by the Nexus. He had nothing left to lose but his own life, and that was more a loss to the galaxy than to him, personally. For all that it was said that he could never be threatened, before that, he was more cautious in his dealings, when a meaningful life might have been at stake. His personal life no longer affected his negotiations, once he stopped having one.
"Then who is it you seek?"
"I cannot tell you. I am uncertain." This was, to some extent, true. He was uncertain that this world’s Jim Kirk would be compatible with his recollections of and bond to the Kirk of his own time. After all, Vulcans don’t lie — they just weasel.
Uhura breathed in, shoulders squaring and jaw tightening. She was outraged at this utter foolishness — especially coming from a Vulcan. But, it was true that he had been dead, if only briefly. It was possible that his brain had been damaged, and he might never get better. As angry as she was, she thought that perhaps she should view him with pity, rather than wrath. If this was the fault of his death, then it wasn’t his fault, at all. He’d been killed saving Ambassador Selek, and by extension, the colony on New Vulcan. He was a hero, and a truly brave one, and if he was hurting her, now, it was because he’d been crippled, defending others whose work she supported.
The breath ran out of her, in a rush, and she sagged. "I’m sorry, Spock. I hope you get better, soon." She hugged him. "I hope you find what you’re looking for."
"I do, as well. Thank you for understanding, Nyota." In his hands, he could feel that she didn’t understand, at all, but what she had convinced herself of made her willing to accept his words. "I did not mean to cause you pain, but rather to spare you worse pain, had I not told you as soon as possible."
"I know you don’t hurt people on purpose, Spock." She left the bottle, and headed for the door. "Sochya heh dif."
He waited several minutes, after she left, some of them spent considering the bottle she’d left behind. He’d never been fond of the idea of drunkenness, but his Jim used to say that a drink would settle the nerves, and that was somehing he could use. He sat and enjoyed the chocolate flavour of a small glass of the liquour, before calling the captain.
"Captain — Jim, I have something I wish to discuss with you. It is of a somewhat personal nature. Would you be willing to visit my quarters, when you have a moment?"
"Yeah, sure thing, Spock. I was just reading a book." Spock could hear the sounds of fabric shifting, over the comm link. "Give me ten minutes. I’ll be right there."
Kirk was confused. Seriously confused. Spock didn’t have personal problems, because he didn’t have a personal life, outside of whatever the hell that was with Uhura. And if he was having problems with her, Kirk was the last person he’d come to. It was such an odd request that he couldn’t help but take it far more seriously than if it had come from anyone else.
The doors swished open as Kirk touched the chime. "Spock?"
"Yes, Captain. Please, take a seat." Spock gestured to the chair across the table from him. "Have a drink. I am told it is the thing to do, at times like these."
"Whoa, hey." Kirk slid into the chair and cocked his head, studying the Vulcan across the table. "No, no, no. If you’re drinking, something is horribly wrong with the universe."
Selek was inclined to agree with that declaration. "I have ended my relationship with Lieutenant Uhura."
"Okay, now I know I’m in the wrong world. Did I fall through a dimensional tear, in my sleep?" Kirk looked around the room, suspiciously. "Are you fucking serious?"
"I am quite serious, Captain, although I believe that would be an indicator that there is no fucking." Spock kept a straight face as the words rolled out, and Selek realised he was going to have to watch his mouth. This Jim Kirk was not used to his Spock having a sense of humour, however dry.
Kirk looked utterly horrified for a moment. "Okay, no more booze for you. Really brings out the human in you, and I’m sure you’ll regret that, in the morning."
"Your sentiment may hold some value," Spock agreed. "But, my drinking was not the reason I wished to speak with you. I should probably have spoken to you before I severed the relationship with Nyota. You know that I died for a few moments, during the doctor’s repairs of my heart. It was a necessary part of the procedure. Minutes, actually. When I returned, I knew that I was not in a meaningful relationship, in any Vulcan sense of the words, and that I needed to move on — that someone was waiting for me."
"Okay, yeah, I can see how that might shift your perspective a little." Kirk shrugged, trying to get a grip on what he was doing there. "So, who’s the new lucky girl? Some Vulcan chick?"
"I do not know. I am not even certain I am seeking a woman." Spock’s brow furrowed. "I know that you are famed for your skills in acquiring companionship. I was hoping that you might teach me your skills, so that I might more effectively seek the one I need, and cause as little disruption to others, in the process."
"Whoa, wait, I’m not exactly the guy for non-disruptive. I’m more like no-bullshit, heavy shenanigans. I get punched in the face kind of a lot." Kirk held up his hands, defensively. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not sure it’s my help you really want, here."
"I would not know who else to trust with such a private concern. You are, I have learned, good at keeping secrets."
Kirk shook his head and stared at the edge of the table for a long moment. "Shit, alright, Spock. I’ll teach you what I know, but you have to remember it all comes with warning labels. Just because I do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. It just means I’m prepared to deal with the consequences."
"Provided you are willing to demonstrate your techniques, and their potential consequences, I believe this will be an acceptable arrangement." Spock’s hand twitched, as though he might reach out. "Thank you, Ca — Jim."
"Yeah, no worries. I gotcha." Kirk nodded. "Think you could, I dunno, not strangle me for a few months?"
"Provided you avoid mentioning my mother, at all, I do not see that becoming a problem."
"Bitchin’ good. I’m taking you off the roster, for tomorrow. You need a day off, after some shit like this. Also, you should probably drink a little more of that, before you try to sleep." Kirk pointed at the bottle, as he stood up. "I’ll come find you after alpha shift, and we’ll get started."
"As you wish." Spock nodded, and Kirk left. The next day promised to be interesting.