Aug 142009

Title: Mouse!
Fandom: ST XI
Characters: Kirk, Spock, Uhura, McCoy, Sulu, Chekov, Chapel
Rating: T
Warnings: CRACK. Kirk uses a few expletives.
Notes: Another one for the crackmeme. Somebody asked for a mouse on the bridge. I delivered.

From this prompt:
I just found a mouse in my house! And of course my mind automatically wondered what would happen if there was a mouse on the Enterprise. Who’s afraid? Who wants to make it a pet? Who’s going to promise to protect their partner from the little furry germ carrying creature? Please no Kirk/Spock.

"Holy shit!" In an instant, Jim Kirk had gone from lounging dashingly in the captain’s chair to crouching upon it in holy terror. "Spock! Did you see that? Tell me you saw that. There is a mouse on my ship. This is not cool at all."

"I am certain we can relieve you of this problem, Captain, but I fail to see why a single, small rodent is causing you such distress," Spock pointed out, not so innocently raising one eyebrow at Uhura, as he spoke.

Uhura covered her mouth and leaned toward the communications console, stifling a giggle. "Let’s see about that little old mouse, Captain," she said, trying to hold down a fool’s grin as she approached Kirk’s chair, and looked under it.

"Come here, little thing," she cooed, cupping one hand behind the mouse, as it cowered beneath the chair. As she brought her other hand across, the mouse spooked and leapt back onto the hand behind it, making for an easy capture.

"Oh, you little bastard!" Uhura exclaimed, water trickling through her fingers, as the mouse made its displeasure known.

Chekov snickered, and Sulu tried to shut him up, but it was Uhura who succeeded, there, as well. "Chekov, shut up before I come over there and wipe this on you."

Just then, Nurse Chapel stepped off the turbolift. "I’m so sorry to interrupt, but has anyone seen a mouse? My poor Launcelot got away from me, this morning, and I’ve been looking for him all over the ship!"

Kirk’s eyes snapped wide. "This … this thing is yours? No. There is no way."

He punched the button for the comm on his chair. "Kirk to McCoy. Bones, are you aware that Nurse Chapel has brought a mouse onto my ship?"

The comm crackled dully for a moment. "Of course I am, Jim. I bought it for her, on our last shoreleave."

"You—! I—! Mutiny! I’m in the middle of a fucking mutiny, aren’t I?" Kirk switched off the comm and sulked in his seat. "Look, can you people just get it off the bridge, so I can close my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears, and and go ‘la-la-la’ until I believe this never happened?"

Even Spock couldn’t quite suppress a smirky twitch of the lips. Uhura surrendered Launcelot to Nurse Chapel, wiped her hand off on the back of Chekov’s head, and held the turbolift for the now-cooing nurse.

"I should wash that. Back in shortly, Ca — Commander." Uhura changed her mind at the last minute, since the captain was clearly no longer paying attention. Spock nodded to her as the turbolift doors closed, eyes sparkling in amusement.

For the next fifteen minutes, the captain was unavailable for comment, but Commander Spock was kind enough to allow Chekov to go wash his hair.