Aug 182009

Title: Mr. Natural says, 'Go Fuck Yourself!'
Fandom: ST XI
Characters: Kirk, Spock
Rating: T
Warnings: Dude, I've got an expletive in the title. Srsly.
Notes: I saw this prompt, and I COULD NOT RESIST. Mr. Natural was the correct answer, in my sick and twisted mind.

From this prompt:
Okay, so in one of the movies (ST V?) some SOB is refusing to help Kirk when Kirk needs help and Spock says loud and clear: "Damn you, sir."

I want nu!Spock in a similar situation. Maybe Kirk is in trouble or something, or maybe someone's trying to punch him or insult him somehow, and nu!Spock says: FUCK OFF. Maybe some clever phrasing before that, but basically I want it to end in him saying "Fuck off" or "Go fuck yourself" and to see Kirk's reaction.

It's four in the morning, on some world where the bars don't close. Spock should know where they are, but he's been awake for three days, and there have been more important points to attend to. He knows where the ship is and where the captain and the doctor are, in relation to himself.

Outside, it's snowing, again.

Inside, Jim's drunk, again.

There are only four more hours until the challenge is complete. He just has to keep Jim awake for another four hours, and then the treaty can be signed, and they can leave. It's a test of endurance, and one he advised the captain against accepting. The doctor is the only one of them who has slept. Spock has been awake to keep the captain from falling asleep, which has tended to involve massive quantities of caffeine and ephedrine, and the deranged entertainment Jim takes in going to bars.

Spock does not like bars. In fact, he finds the sort the captain prefers to be grotesque parodies of the sentient condition. And they smell bad, too. At least the music is bearable, in this particular instance, but the press of the sweaty crowd around the female at the taps is too much for his touch-telepathy to take well, at all. None of them have any control over their thoughts. He can keep most of the noise out of his head, if he just doesn't touch anyone with a bare hand, and no one touches his face. He can feel the mounting determination of his own animal instincts, and it takes more of his attention than he can spare, to maintain complete control, in this condition.

There is a woman speaking to Jim, and Spock cannot hear her, but he can tell from her body language that she intends Jim to leave with her. This cannot be allowed, and Jim seems to remember that he can't do anything tiring, which is an unexpected blessing. Spock manages to push his way through the crowd, to stand behind Jim's seat, finally close enough to hear. The female cannot seem to take a hint, and Jim is running out of ways to say no — or at least 'not at this time'.

In a wholly illogical moment of frustration at having yet another mission endangered by the captain's attraction to some woman, Spock leans over Jim's shoulder, wrapping his arms around the surprised captain.

"I believe I can get the point across, Jim." Spock looks the woman in the eyes. "If I am not mistaken, the sentiment my captain is trying to convey is 'Go fuck yourself'. In fact, given his taste for mid-20th century literature of questionable value, it may even be, 'Go fuck yourself! Do it today! Use the right tool for the job!' I would also like to take this opportunity to invite you to fuck off, on my own behalf."

Spock rubs his cheek against Jim's face possessively and protectively, like a cat marking its territory, and the woman stares in horror for a few moments, before stalking off with a disgusted sniff and a mutter about fags.

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