Aug 092009

Title: But, I See You’ve Won First Prize
Fandom: ST XI
Characters: Scotty, Kirk, Spock
Rating: M?
Warnings: Non-sexual wang, pure crack
Notes: I was ASTOUNDED that this hadn’t already been done in ELEVEN INSTALMENTS of the damned kinkmeme. Dude, HE WEARS A FUCKIN’ KILT. It’s CANON — TOS canon, anyway.

Mr. Scott had been off-shift, technically, for about seven hours. The fact that he’d actually been in Engineering since five hours before it started, and six shots after the cork on the bottle, was just an added benefit. It was, in fact, in this drunken and exceptionally exhausted condition that Kirk and Spock found him passed out on the floor, in a lesser used corridor of the Engineering section, with his kilt flipped up to cover his face, but not what it had been intended to cover.

"Psst, Spock, give me your shirt cuff." Jim Kirk was smiling in that way that inevitably signalled a terrible idea.

"Captain, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I am certain it is inappropriate." Spock looked sideways at the Captain, who was pulling at the fabric of his sleeve.

"Come ooooon! It’ll be hysterical!" Kirk insisted, yanking at the blue cloth of Spock’s shirt. "Trust me. It’s an old Earth tradition."

Rolling his eyes, Spock split his sleeve seam and tore out a piece with his teeth. He watched in horror as the captain quietly tied it around Scotty’s penis.

"I don’t know where you’ve been, my lad, but I see you’ve won first prize!" Kirk sang, grabbing Spock’s arm and running back down the corridor, like a madman, before Scotty could awaken and catch them.