[ Master Post ]
Title: Rhapsody in Ass Major – Chapter 317
Co-Conspirator: 
MaverikLoki
Fandom: Dragon Age
Characters: Cormac Hawke ♂, Fenris ♂, Artemis Hawke ♂, Theron Mahariel ♂, Kallian Tabris ♀, Isabela ♀
Rating: E (L2 N4 S4Â V2 D1)
Warnings: Drunken shenanigans, Artie is oddly sober, absurd dildo, Cormac is hideously uncomfortable with all of this, Theron eats a knuckle sandwich, Fenris has issues
Notes: The stallion brings nothing but trouble…
"The work of man and woman, by hubris of their making: the sorrow a blight unbearable," Cormac muttered under his breath, intently studying the cornice-work around the top of the wall. They weren't in public. Nobody was going to end up arrested. Fenris wasn't glowing. Isabela wasn't groping Artie. … yet … But, he still couldn't watch this. First, it was his brother, and however much he might have enjoyed watching Artie do any number of other things, that wasn't something the three other people in the room needed to know. Second, this was just horrifying and kind of disgusting, and not something he really wanted a memory of. Still, he couldn't leave. He had to be here, if something went wrong, if only because Anders wasn't.
Beside him, Fenris's fist clenched, face growing pale for a moment, as the scene tugged at something buried in his memories. And several other things he could remember quite well, whether he wanted to or not. But, this was some strange inversion — three elves gathered around a mage, on display. His mage.
A part of Artemis couldn't believe he was doing this either, even after he had pulled his fingers free. He was usually quite a bit drunker for this sort of thing. Well. As close as he had come to this sort of thing. The stallion was new.
Kalli poured another round of drinks, her eyes never leaving Artie as he positioned himself over Izzy's toy. This would be worth losing the silver if the shem went through with this.
"You know, I think this is the first time I've gotten to watch, without Fenris's knees in the way," Theron noted with a smile. "Or, well, any of the multitude of relatively attractive parts of Fenris's body."
"Relatively?" Fenris scoffed, eyes lingering on Artemis's face, for any crack in the determination, any sign he and Cormac should put a stop to this. But, there was nothing. A little uncertainty, but no real fear. Something else chattered and clattered through the back of his mind, though, and he shoved it away, without looking.
Theron shrugged, pointing at Artemis. "This man ruined me. Elves are great, but I've got it bad for tall, dark shemlen."
Cormac cleared his throat and shot an exasperated look at Theron.
"I said 'tall, dark shemlen', not 'tall, dark dwarves doing shem impressions'." Theron laughed and licked his teeth obscenely, and Kalli burst into laughter.
Artemis looked at his brother and snickered, trying to mask the sound with a cough. It was difficult to make this look sexy when he was trying not to laugh, not that Theron seemed to mind.
"Well, someone has to balance out Varric," Isabela said. "A short, blond human doing dwarf impressions."
Still poised over the stallion, Artemis chuckled and cringed, wiping a hand over his face. "Izzy, please. I really don't want to be thinking about Varric right now. That's not really helping the situation."
"No?" Izzy purred. "It would certainly help me. Just think of the gorgeous slabs of elf-meat in the room, then." She eyed Theron — and Kalli — up and down, tossing them a wink. "Maybe even together. Ooh, wouldn't that be delightful!" She grinned at Fenris in a way that had his ears flattening against his skull.
"Please tell me you mean the two of them," Fenris replied, but Izzy just kept grinning.
"Oh, yes, I like that better," said Artie. He took a deep breath and started to sink down on the toy. A soft sound caught in his throat. Oh, somehow it felt bigger than it had looked.
Cormac covered his face, still turned away, but the sounds went straight to his knob — the way Artie's breathing changed, the tiny sounds Cormac didn't figure he knew he'd made. His face darkened, not that he expected anyone was looking at him, as those sounds became something else, in his head. He remembered how Artie used to sound, sinking down onto Anders, and these were almost those sounds. And that was something he didn't need to be thinking right now. He struggled to control his own breathing, not to show how desperately much he wanted any of this. At the heart of it, this was not, in fact, Artie riding Anders, and more than that, they were in a room full of people who didn't ever need to know what went on behind closed doors.
When Fenris heard that catch of breath from next to him, he knew. And while his own thoughts weren't quite the same, they were similar — that jade wand Artemis so loved topping the list. But, unlike Cormac, he was allowed to be interested. Allowed to let his eyes rake lecherously down his husband's body. Allowed to clear his throat and cock his hip to draw attention to the cut of his tight, leather trousers. A tiny smile touched the corners of his mouth, as he watched, knowing that was definitely not the face Artemis would be making if anything were wrong.
Out of the corner of his eye, Artemis tried to catch a glimpse of his brother's face. Artie wondered what expression Cormac was trying to hide behind his hand and hoped that it wasn't all mortification. Next to him, Fenris, at least, was enjoying the show, and Artie bit his lip around a smile in his direction, a smile that opened into a gasp the next moment as he drew more of the toy inside of him.
It had been a while since he'd been stretched like this, and Artemis thought of Anders, thought of Cormac and Fenris taking him at once. His knuckles tightened on the edge of the table, a fine tremor running down his legs as he took as much of the toy into him as he dared.
Applause from the couch reminded him that he had more of an audience than Fenris and Cormac.
Theron was the kind of drunk where he'd stopped caring hours ago what came out of his mouth, although at the moment that seemed to be limited to his tongue. A moment of blessed silence, before he spoke again. "Looks good, Earthquake Boy. If you're going to keep riding, though, maybe you want a little help staying up. You're looking a little shaky. Maybe you just need a firm grip to hold you up…"
"Theron! Knock it off! That's my brother!" Cormac complained, his other hand coming up to join the first on his face.
"You've been listening to me fuck your brother since we were teenagers," Theron laughed, dragging a blunt fingernail down the seam along his inner thigh.
"I've been trying not to listen to it, you mean," Cormac groused, shifting uncomfortably, wondering if his robes were loose enough for the predicament he was about to be in.
"That must have been such a hardship for you," Fenris said with a straight face.
"Ignore Cormac," Artemis said, voice a bit breathier now. "I wouldn't mind a handsome slab of elf-meat giving me a hand. Or two."
"Two hands or two elf-meat slabs?" Theron asked with a mischievous smirk. "That would make it four hands."
"Your counting's improving," Kalli told him, patting her husband on the shoulder.
Artie shifted his hips, and a groan caught in his throat. "Yes? Either? Both? Whatever the elf-meat slabs want."
Technically, this counted as winning the bet. He'd taken the stallion. But he rather liked the way Fenris and Theron watched him, like they ached to touch him.
Theron moved first, climbing onto the table behind Artemis, hands almost reverently caressing the pretty shemlen. He leaned around Artie's shoulder, and caught Fenris's eye. "Look at him, Fenris. You got so lucky. It's like he was created just for this, like he was made to fuck."
Fenris had been closing the distance, as Theron spoke. He did have a beautiful husband. There was no question of his fortune. And then everything pulled sharply sideways, and the last of Theron's words were lost to him. He was dizzy and furious, and there was blood on his knuckles.
"Fenris!?" That sound wasn't on the list of things Cormac had expected to hear, tonight, unless it in some way involved Isabela. He was extremely familiar with that dull thump and the crack of bone, although usually from the inside. Whatever that had been, it was a single strike and nothing more. Fenris had stopped moving. "What—?"
"Shit on toast, Theron," Kalli sighed, "watch your mouth. He's Tevinter."
Fenris continued to stare at his hands, caught between outrage and apology. Surely Theron hadn't meant… But, he'd said… There were visions in his head of magisters reaching for his face, with almost those words on their lips.
Artemis froze, staring back and forth between the elves and trying to process what had just happened. Theron was bleeding, but Fenris… he had that sick look in his eyes again. He'd worry about why and what later. Artie pulled the toy out with a wince and stepped in front of his husband. "Fen," he said softly, carefully taking Fenris's hands in his.
Fenris blinked down at their joined hands, then up at Artemis, his mage, wondering when he'd gotten there. "I don't…" he started to say, only to realise he didn't know how to finish that sentence. I don't know what just happened. I don't remember. I don't know why I suddenly feel sick.
"Look at me," Artemis said, and it felt odd to be the one to say that this time.
Theron blinked, hands clutched to his bloody face, eyes blurry with tears. "Is anyone who isn't me hurt?" he asked after a moment.
"You're the only one who got hit," Isabela reassured him, daggers vanishing back into her clothing, as suddenly as they'd appeared.
"C'mere, Theron," Cormac held out a hand. "Lean a little to this side of my brother, and I'll make it stop bleeding. That said, I should probably only be trusted to set my own nose, so I'm going to go get Anders." A weak ghost of light washed over Theron's face, as Cormac concentrated. "Artie? Izzy? You going to be able to keep a handle on things, until I get back?"
"I'm not going to let your brother get stabbed," Isabela sighed. "What kind of woman do you take me for? If there's any stabbing, it's going to be meat-swords and asses."
Fenris shook his head, eyes still on the floor. "Not yet, Amatus. Soon. Not yet." He didn't want to see something that wasn't Artemis, when he looked up. However sure he was that Artemis was right there, standing in front of him, holding his hands… That hadn't been Theron, either, and he didn't want to make any more mistakes. He didn't want to ruin his memory of this one good face, by looking up and seeing something else.
"Okay," Artemis murmured, thumbs stroking the back of Fenris's hands. "Take your time." He wanted to pull his elf into his arms, but he didn't dare, not yet. He thought of the first time he'd seen that look in Fenris's eyes, back when they'd first met, back when Fenris had learned the hard way that he was a mage. That had ended with a hand around Artie's throat, and not in the way he generally liked.
Artemis kissed the hands in his and, deciding this had become a pants-wearing occasion, let go just long enough to pick up and pull on his trousers.
"Idiot," Kalli sighed at Theron, pulling his hand away from his nose to assess the damage.
"How do I look?" he asked. "Does a broken nose make me look more roguishly handsome?"
Kalli tilted his head into the light. "Sure. A roguishly handsome idiot." She patted his cheek and disappeared to ask Orana for a towel.
"Izzy, keep an eye on elfy and elfier for me, would you? I'll be right back. Don't let anyone stab my brother or anyone else with anything more dangerous than a meat-sword." Cormac paused and tapped his heel so Artemis would look up, before he blew a kiss to his brother. "Hey, I'll fix it, all right? Just like always."
