[ Master Post ]
Title: Rhapsody in Ass Major – Chapter 187
Co-Conspirator: 
MaverikLoki
Fandom: Dragon Age
Characters: Cormac Hawke ♂, Artemis Hawke ♂, Anton Hawke ♂, Anders ♂, Aveline ♀, Cullen ♂, Donnic ♂, Fenris ♂, Isabela ♀, Merrill ♀, Varric ♂
Rating: T (L2 N0 S1 V0 D1)
Warnings: Yet more smooching
Notes: An unexpected arrival puts an end to the game.
Cormac whooped with laughter as Cullen continued to stare blankly into the space Anders had occupied, and he took Anders's hand in his own, under the table, as Anders sat back down, beside him.
"Your tongue is collecting dust," Anton informed his husband. He let out a low whistle under his breath and tugged Cullen back down into is seat. "That good, huh? Do I have some competition?"
Cullen was trying to remember how his lips usually worked. "I… er…"
But Anton just cackled and nudged the bottle closer to him. "You're not done yet, Ser Templar," he said sweetly. "Whose lips shall you capture next?" He spoke in that 'Orlesian novel' voice he sometimes used when he was teasing Cullen. It never failed to turn Cullen's ears red.
"Right. Bottle. Spinning." Cullen spun the bottle right off the table. Fenris caught it before it hit the floor and slid it back towards the templar. Anton bit his lips to keep from laughing. Clearing his throat, Cullen spun the bottle again as though that hadn't just happened, more gently this time.
He prayed the bottle would land on Anton. When it stopped, Cullen looked up at where the bottle pointed and groaned. "Maker preserve me."
"Finally!" Izzy squealed, clapping her hands. "Oh, this is delicious. Time for some captain on captain love, is it?"
Cullen would rather kiss Anders again. He was still haunted by what he'd seen on her wall.
Isabela went over the table, again, rather than around it, settling right in front of Cullen, on her knees, which still left her taller than him.
"Izzy, move!" Cormac called across the table. "Your ass is in my way!"
"I should move? After you cheated me out of watching you make more sexy lip-time with Anders?" Isabela looked over her shoulder and laughed.
"Oh, come on, Izzy, that was a set-up, and it was a damn fine one," Cormac lied, a little too easily.
A tiny smirk crossed Anders's face, as he realised what Cormac was doing. The same thing he'd have expected Cormac to do for Artie, really — cover the damage in public. His thumb stroked across Cormac's knuckles in silent appreciation.
"Besides," Cormac went on, "what about what Artie and I gave you? We put on an amazing show!"
"I was just doing Artie a favour. I'm sure he doesn't want to see this!" Isabela teased.
"He wants to see your ass even less," Fenris pointed out, "and I want to see this. The kiss. Not your ass. I don't really want to see any more of your ass. It's a lovely ass, but I do not need to bear further witness to its loveliness."
"Hey, Nervy? Save your boyfriend, would you please?" Varric called down the table.
"Well, at this point, he is an expert on lovely asses," Artemis replied, winking at his fiancé. "And I agree with Fenris. You're blocking the view!"
Isabela tutted and climbed off of the table to sit on Anton's lap. "Better?" she asked, angling herself towards Cullen. Anton laughed, wrapping an arm around her waist as she bent to give Cullen an advantageous view of her cleavage.
"Better," Fenris and Artie agreed, clinking their tankards together.
Cullen's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. He took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to her lips, hoping to keep this quick. Just as he was about to pull away, Isabela wrapped her arms around his neck and held him in place, making an obscene sound against his lips.
Varric applauded and laughed. "Go easy on him, Rivaini!" he called out when Cullen looked like he was about to run out of air.
Izzy pulled back with a wet, smacking sound. "Go easy? Please. He's married to Stabby over here!" She wriggled her butt to indicate the lap she was sitting on. "I'm sure that was nothing." Isabela winked at Cullen and slipped off of Anton's lap, swishing her hips more than necessary as she returned to her seat and to the empty bottle. "Now who's next, I wonder?" she purred, toying with the bottle in her hands before letting it spin.
First Anders and then Isabela… Cullen reached down to subtly adjust his trousers, while the bottle spun, only to find Anton's hands already in his way. His eyes shot to Donnic, and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and blocking any view of his lap.
"Fucking templars!" Cormac sighed, dramatically, leaning back against Anders, while Isabela sighted down the bottle. "Licking all my toys! Maker! What's a man got to do around here?"
Anders squinted at him. "You do know how many templars licked me before we even met, don't you?"
Cormac just sighed loudly, unable to keep a smile from tugging up the corners of his mouth.
"Looks like Donnic," Varric said, squinting down the bottle.
"Is that Donnic or Merrill?" Isabela asked. "I can't tell."
Anders leaned over to look. "No, that's Donnic."
"Looks like your lucky day, guardsman!" Isabela purred, actually slinking around the table, instead of climbing over it, this time.
"What?" Donnic blinked up. "No, no. Must be a mistake!"
"I'm pretty sure it's not," Cormac said. "Three people think it's pointing at you."
"More than three," Fenris said. Donnic shot him a scandalised look, and Fenris shrugged. "Sorry."
With one finger, Isabela tilted Donnic's face back to look at her. She straddled his legs, rested her arms on his shoulders. Everyone was so busy watching the pair that they didn't notice the armoured figure who appeared in the doorway.
"What is going on? Donnic!"
Donnic jumped at the sound of his wife's voice, and he grabbed Izzy by the shoulders, pushing her to arms' length. "Aveline!" His eyes were round. "I… this isn't what it looks like, I swear!"
A flush blotted out the freckles on Aveline's cheeks as she clenched her hands into fists.
"We were just playing a game," Varric said with a nervous laugh. "Izzy kissed Cullen before that, and Cullen kissed Anders, and Anders kissed Cormac, and Cormac kissed… Artie —"
"Shut up," Aveline growled, making a grab for Isabela. Izzy rolled off of Donnic's lap and onto the table, rolling over to the other side out of her reach. Aveline paused just as she was about to give chase, brows furrowing as she looked back at Varric. "Did you say Cormac and Artie? That's… what?"
Artemis cleared his throat and stared up at the ceiling. "Spin-the-bottle," he said. "It's… you know."
"Want to join us, Aveline?" Varric suggested. "We could use more ladies."
"Spin the bottle," Fenris concurred. "With three Hawkes at the table. It's been… entertaining."
"You have no idea how glad I was to finally spin something that wasn't one of my brothers," Cormac chimed in.
"That is disgusting. This is ridiculous." Aveline's armour creaked as she squared her shoulders. "Donnic, we're going home."
"But, it's my—" Donnic looked up at his wife and just stood up. "Yes, er, of course we are. Good to see you all. Next week, Fenris. And I'll just pass my turn to, ah…" He spun the bottle and edged toward the door. Aveline followed, looking like she was escorting a criminal.
"Or, we could stop this foolishness, and I could finish winning the last hand," Fenris suggested, as the bottle pointed directly at him.
"Afraid of kissing me again?" Cormac teased. "That's par for the course."
"I'll kiss you again," Artemis said, looking at Cormac with an exaggerated smoulder and blowing him a kiss before dissolving into a fit of cackles.
"Maker, no," Anton groaned, pressing his bottle to his forehead. "I can't deal with that twice in one night."
"Then let's not," Fenris said, setting aside the empty bottle they'd been spinning. He picked up his cards. "Now where were we? Varric, I believe it was your turn to draw."
Artie neatened the pile of coins in the middle, neatened the deck of cards as everyone picked up their hands. Varric barked out a laugh when he picked up the Angel of Death.
"Of course," Anders muttered, throwing his cards back to the table.
