[ Master Post ]
Title: Rhapsody In Ass Major – Chapter 126
Fandom: Dragon Age
Characters: Artemis Hawke ♂, Fenris ♂, Theron Mahariel ♂, Kallian Tabris ♀
Rating: T (L2 N0 S1 V0 D1)
Warnings: Pining and mooning, a bit of groping, fond memories
Notes: Upside-down and stupid is a sign of affection among the Dalish. Or, you know, that’s just Mahariel.
After supper and a great deal of wine, they retired to yet another room, with far more bottles and comfortable seating. Kalli opened the bottle of what she’d described as ‘yellow demon-water’, and poured for all of them. "I like red better, but Theron started on yellow and never moved on," she said, holding her glass out to examine the contents.
"Why move away from the best?" Theron asked. "I like peaches and peaches like me!"
"Which is why you keep ending up upside down and stupid, is it?"
A profoundly lecherous grin crept across Theron’s face. "You should know by now that upside down and stupid is a sign of affection among the Dalish."
"No, I’m pretty sure that’s just you." Kalli turned a long-suffering look on Fenris.
"Stupid drunkenness is most certainly a sign of affection in his family." Fenris pointed to Artemis. "Or at least it’s the predecessor to signs of affection."
"Carver would resent that statement," Artemis pointed out, words starting to run together. He leaned heavily against Fenris on the couch, cheek rubbing his elf’s shoulder. "I, on the other hand, resemble that statement."
This time it was Fenris turning a long-suffering look on Kalli. "Stupid drunkenness," he said, pointing again at Artie, who tried to bite his finger.
Theron smirked into his drink. "Enjoying the demon-water, Earthquake Boy?" His words weren’t faring much better, tripping over one another. Kalli shook her head with a fond sigh.
"Better than cordial," Artie decided, licking his lips. "At least the kind Anton likes. What kind is that? Orange? This drink is peachy." He snickered. "Peachy. See what I did there?"
"Yes, we’re all very impressed with your wit," Fenris sighed, patting Artie’s head indulgently.
"Shh, I’m hilarious," Artemis insisted, sitting forward to neaten the bottle on the table.
Kalli stood up to reach the bottle, leaning over the little table to pour more for all of them. Sure, Theron and Artie should probably stop drinking, before either of them got any dumber, but at least they were inside rather than in public, so the dumb could be contained and exploited for amusement. She turned to pour for Theron and caught her belt on Fenris’s arm, dropping into his lap, unexpectedly. She could work with that, she decided, leaning back against the arm of the couch, and tucking her feet under Artie’s thigh, before Fenris had recovered his breath.
"Well, hello, sailor!" Kalli laughed, the bottle still hanging from her hand. She’d left her glass on the table, but it wouldn’t be hard to reach. She was, after all, much less drunk than Theron.
"I do not like boats very much. They smell of fish. I do not like fish, either." Fenris held his arms bent out of the way of the woman suddenly draped across him, hiding his confusion and mild panic behind disgust and derision, as usual. "You seem to have confused me for some part of the furniture."
"You look a little thin to be a comfortable seat," Theron joked, "but she likes sitting on hard things."
"His ass is quite pillowy," Artemis helpfully informed Kalli, grinning at her from Fenris’s shoulder. "You should try sitting on that instead."
Kalli hummed, twisting to look at Fenris’s ass, what little of it she could see from this angle, hidden amidst the couch cushions.
"Mage, you are not helping," Fenris told Artemis, giving him a flat look.
"I beg to differ."
"I mean you are not helping me." Fenris sat stiffly pressed against the back of the couch, unsure where to put his arms, unsure whether to push Kalli off or wait for her to move on her own. "No one is sitting on my ass, which is not pillowy, by the way."
"No one?" Kalli asked, tilting her head. "Not even Artemis?"
"He usually sits on my ass," Artie replied. "Which is definitely pillowy."
Theron cackled, head lolling back against his chair. "Can we compare them? Please?"
"I would hardly characterise what I do with your ass as ‘sitting’, mage," Fenris pointed out, and then finished what remained in his glass. Definitely not drunk enough. "And no. There will be no comparing of asses. My ass has spent enough time on display, thank you."
Kalli watched the glass empty above her head, and brought up the bottle. "Here, have some more. You look like you could use another three."
Despite his better judgement, Fenris allowed her to pour for him, again. He looked down at Artie’s face on his shoulder. This was not how he’d meant this to go, at all. He’d thought Kalli would keep Theron in line, but… apparently he’d misjudged that, given the way she wriggled in his lap and traded sly smiles with Artemis.
"So, I can’t help but notice the lack of bruises." Theron gestured at his neck and sloppily cocked his chin at Artie. "Not as into getting picked up by your neck, as you used to be? Pity, I always liked how fast that turned you on."
A nervous laugh punched out of Artemis, ending in an awkward cough. "No, that’s… I still… um." Artemis sat up off of Fenris to take another long drink.
Fenris stared at his mage, at the flush that rose up his neck to the tip of his ears. That wasn’t surprising, he supposed, considering how much Artemis had liked that collar, but… with Theron, Artemis had been a teenager. Even then? Either way, it wasn’t the sort of thing Fenris should be thinking about with Kalli a warm weight in his lap. At least now he knew what to do with his hands: hold the glass to his lips while he tried to figure out what to do with this.
Kalli sat up in Fenris’s lap, twisting to dig out a throw pillow that had gotten trapped between her and the cushions. She tossed it at Theron and watched it bounce off his face, knocking the glass against his teeth. He squeaked in protest but somehow managed not to spill any demon-water. "What was that for?" he whined.
"You’re embarrassing our hosts!" Kalli huffed.
"You’re sitting on our hosts! Which is making me feel a little left out, you know, sitting here all alone in this chair, with the three of you so cosy on that couch." Theron looked at Artie’s lap speculatively, a grin curling his lips.
Fenris’s mind would not stop providing him with utterly inappropriate images. Perhaps his control was not all it had once been. Or perhaps his memory was just better, now, and with so many more pleasing things in it. That was more likely. Still, he’d have to work on that. There was a time and a place, and he was relatively certain this was not it, regardless of what the woman in his lap might think. But, the memory of Artemis straining against that leather collar, choking at the end of every savage thrust, would not leave him. He shifted uncomfortably, almost wishing he’d worn something else.
Kalli’s eyes lit up, as Fenris squirmed, and she grinned at Artie. "Ooh! What is he thinking? Was I wrong? Was ’embarrassed’ not the word I wanted? I’m pretty sure that’s not embarrassment jabbing me in the ass."
Theron laughed and lurched to his feet, making it around the table to sit on the arm of the couch next to Artie. "See, he knows, Kalli. He knows exactly what I’m talking about." He ran a finger down the side of Artemis’s neck. "Does he do it better than I did it?" he purred. "He must. We were just kids, then."
Now Artemis was the one squirming against the couch, wedged between Fenris and Theron, remembering Theron’s hand on his throat, then Fenris tugging on his collar. "I… uh." A question. Theron had asked one, hadn’t he? Maker knew what it was.
Theron’s eyes met Kalli’s, and they traded knowing smirks over Artie and Fenris. "That’s definitely not embarrassment," Theron said.
"It’s a little bit embarrassment," Artemis protested. He looked up at Theron, at the older version of the face he once knew. It was as though someone had taken a chisel to Theron’s teenaged face, sharpening the edges and hollowing the cheeks. But the vallaslin was still new to Artie, and he traced one bold line down Theron’s cheek, not realising he was touching finger to skin until he felt the muscles of that cheek move in a smile.
"They’re for Andruil," Theron murmured. "I’ve gotten so used to them, it didn’t occur to me that I didn’t have them last time you saw me. Well. The last time you saw me, back then. And it actually is for Andruil, not a disclaimer about my ass or any other part of my person."
"Your ass doesn’t need a disclaimer," Kalli said. "It’s your mouth that does."
"Considering all the wicked things I can do with it? Oh, I agree." The sly grin on his face was aimed firmly at Artie. "I know you’ve only seen a few of those. I got creative, after you were gone. Couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t getting earthquakes, so I just kept trying harder. Learned a few things along the way. Of course, I’m sure you did, too. Maybe we should share what we’ve learnt."
"Of all the things he learned," Kalli muttered, leaning back against Fenris’s arm, "good pickup lines were not among them. Do you hear this cheese?"
"I am more impressed that he expects it to work," Fenris murmured, looking at Theron and Artemis with confused amusement. "Of course, with Artemis this drunk, it’s probably actually overkill," he sighed.
"You want to keep jabbing me in the ass with that, while we watch them make drunken fools of themselves?" Kalli asked. "Probably the best entertainment I’ve had since that time on the boat, when he got drunk and tangled in the rigging, and kept hitting on the sailors trying to get him down. He was so sad there weren’t any earthquakes, but I reminded him we were on a boat, and earthquakes would be a very bad thing."
"But we’re not on a boat now," Theron reminded her, holding up one finger as though making a sage point. "Earthquakes are less of a bad thing here. In fact, earthquakes are a good thing here."
"Earthquakes are a good thing," Fenris said with a sly smile of his own, nudging Artemis with his elbow. "Generally speaking. Though not with glasses around. We learned that the hard way and had to redecorate the bedroom."
Kalli eyed the glasses in everyone’s hands.
"She still doesn’t believe me about the earthquakes," Theron said in a stage whisper, leaning in to talk in Artie’s ear. He reached up, one hand lightly tracing Artemis’s jaw, the slope of his neck. "I think we should show her."
"You weren’t wrong about this working," Kalli said to Fenris, eyeing the way Artie’s breathing picked up. "Wow."
Fenris hummed, watching his mage’s face. Artemis’s head lolled along the back of the couch to face him. With Theron’s hand still on his throat, he pressed a kiss to Fenris’s lips, and Fenris parted his legs a little further, dropping Kalli to the couch, between his thighs, as he kissed Artemis heatedly.
"Is this what you want, Amatus?" he breathed into Artie’s mouth. "Tell me what you want, and I’ll do what you need."
It wasn’t at all how this was supposed to have gone, but he was learning that Artie liked to show off for him, and that he’d always come back, after. It was never a taunt, or a comment on him in any way. It was a performance. It was meant to be enticing, and he was learning how to take it that way. Learning to enjoy the sight of his mage being held down and used by other men, always with that rapturous smile on his face. And that was it, really — Artie seemed to enjoy it so much, even and maybe especially the part where he was watching. So, yes, maybe he and Kalli could sit back and watch as her husband got earthquakes out of his fiancé.
Somewhere in all this tangle of limbs, Artie reached up to cup Fenris’s face, pouring all his adoration into their next kiss. Maker, what had he done in life to deserve this elf? He needed to know so he could keep on doing it. "I do want it," Artemis murmured back between kisses. He wanted Theron inside him, Theron’s hand around his neck, but mostly he wanted Fenris to be there with him.
"Then you should have it," Fenris growled.
"Te amo." Artemis smiled against Fenris’s lips and gave him one last kiss before turning back to Theron. And then Theron’s mouth picked up where Fenris’s had left off. He hadn’t been wrong about the wicked things he could do with it. The grip on Artie’s neck tightened, squeezed, and a moan shivered out of Artemis’s mouth to be swallowed by Theron.
Artie clutched at Theron, pulling him down onto the couch. The angle was awkward, their knees knocked, and a throw pillow was wedged uncomfortably against the small of Artie’s back, but they barely paused for breath — and Artie paused for less breath than Theron.
"Oh, this is fun," Kalli said, grabbing the bottle to top off her drink. That reminded Fenris that Artemis was still holding his, and he plucked the glass out of his fiancé’s grip, handing it to Kalli to set on the table. He didn’t know when Theron had set down his, but the Dalish had both hands on his mage already.