Mar 202009
 

Title: Lip Gloss Lads (part 2)
Fandom: Naruto
Characters: Genma, Kotetsu, Izumo, Shizune
Rating: T
Warnings: Lots of slapping, inappropriate implications
Notes: Nope, still haven’t gotten to the good stuff. Just setting up… Still, the crack is cracky, here.


A line stretched back from the sign that read: "Konoha’s Sexiest Shinobi! Are you the one? All male Leaf Ninja between the ages of 18 and 60 are welcome to try!" Innumerable chuunin elbowed each other, arguing over which one of them would be the one, because surely, it wouldn’t be ‘one of those old guys’. One of the chuunin jerked a thumb at Genma, and promptly had it broken.

"I am the sexiest shinobi in all of Konoha," Genma commented as the broken-thumbed chuunin glanced around for a medic, "or, at least, that’s the story the notches on my bedpost tell."

Kotetsu poked Genma. "No, Izumo is the sexiest shinobi. You’re just the easiest."

Genma stuck out his tongue at his friend. "I like variety."

"I don’t even know what I’m doing here," Izumo protested. "This is ridiculous. I don’t care. I’m here to prove you wrong, Ko. Not everyone in Konoha wants to sleep with me. And, besides that, all of Konoha has already slept with him." He pointed at Genma, unafraid of meeting the fate of the last chuunin.

"Well, not all of Konoha, but it sure is a significant percentage." Genma looked smug.

"So, why isn’t Raidou here?" Kotetsu asked.

Izumo slapped him. "His face, you ass. Besides which, have you ever seen Rai interested in sex? With anyone?"

Genma coughed and failed to look innocent. After a long and weighted pause, he spoke. "Rai’s looking after Hayate. Swordsmen’s day out or something. I hate to leave the kid alone, these days…" A dark look shadowed his eyes for a moment, and Izumo patted his arm, consolingly.

Kotetsu promptly changed the subject. "We’re getting toward the front of the line! I guess that means old man Yamanaka didn’t win by default, after all."

This time, Genma smacked him in the back of the head. "Don’t call him old! Inoichi-senpai’s not that much older than I am!"

Kotetsu grinned over his shoulder at Genma. "Old fart."

Genma shook his fist. "Git off mah lawn, you damn kids!"

The two burst out laughing, and Izumo tried to pretend he didn’t know them. He looked up as they came to the head of the line, and saw the kunoichi who wold be checking them in.

"Shizune!?" Only Kotetsu’s hand in the back of his collar kept Izumo from bolting.

"Good afternoon, Shizune. We’re both here for the competition, even if I do think he’s going to take it," Kotetsu said, with a light blush. Even he was not immune to the idea that his sort-of boss was on the judging committee. And, by the look on her face, neither was Shizune.

"Great to see you two!" Shizune’s face fell as she realised the implications of her words. "I mean, it’s — ah — really bold to — um…" She turned bright red and handed the clipboard to Kotetsu. "Just sign in on the next line."

Kotetsu handed the clipboard to Izumo. "You first. I’m not letting you run off to hide while I’m in there."

"Fine." Izumo snatched the clipboard, signed it, and stuck it back in Kotetsu’s hands, before approaching the door. "I am doing this to prove you wrong," he said, again.

Some time later, the three met up again, to discuss the competition, and get some dinner.

"I like that we’re getting copies of the photos," Genma remarked. "I want to see how I came out. Nobody’s ever taken a photo of me like that, before…"

"So, which piece of clothing did you keep?" Kotetsu asked.

"To hell with clothing. I kept a weapon." Genma flicked the senbon between his teeth. "I’m guessing you kept your nose covered?"

"Yeah, nobody gets to see that." Kotetsu breathed a light laugh.

"What did you keep, Izumo?" Genma raised an eyebrow at the quiet chuunin.

"I…" Izumo sighed. "I kept my hitai-ate. Vanity won over sense. I wanted to keep my underwear, but when I reached up to take off the hitai-ate, I got static shocked by my hair. You know what my hair looks like when it gets staticky."

Kotetsu giggled. "Shizune’s never going to be able to look us in the eye again."

Genma cleared his throat. "You know that’s not going to be a problem for Tsunade. And more than that, you’re going to have to look at her, knowing she’s probably seen the photos, because she’s the Hokage, and nothing goes on without her eye on it."

The two chuunin stared at him, and then at each other. Izumo punched Kotetsu.

"This is your fault. Yours. I should have gone for tea with Rai. Or gone to the bath. Or gone anywhere that didn’t involve the HOKAGE seeing NAKED PICTURES of me." Izumo buried his face in his hands for a long moment. "I’m trying to find a bright side to this situation."

"You’re so sexy she won’t be able to look you in the eye?" Kotetsu suggested.

"She’s probably seen Jiraiya naked. Let’s be serious. We’ve seen how she deals with him. There is no way in hell she’s going to be unable to look me in the eye. In fact, I think I might be comforted by the idea of her looking at my eyes instead of the rest of me, in this context." Izumo shook his head. "I’m not going to kill you, Ko, but you are going to wish like hell I had."

Genma flinched at the statement, but Kotetsu just looked amused.

"I’m sure I can make it up to you, kitten." Kotetsu offered, smiling smoothly.

Izumo simply slapped him one more time, as the waiter arrived with their food.