[ Master Post ]
Title: Rhapsody In Ass Major – Chapter 170
Co-Conspirator: 
MaverikLoki
Fandom: Dragon Age
Characters: Cormac Hawke ♂, Artemis Hawke ♂, Anders ♂, Fenris ♂
Rating: T (L2Â N0 S2 V0 D1)
Warnings: Drunken stupidity, hot Hawke-on-Hawke action, Justice likes lyrium
Notes: Artemis decides to pretend he's Anton, to get free drinks. Anders is the only sober member of this party, and Justice is getting a little too interested.
At this point in the evening, Cormac wasn't sure how many bars they'd hit, but the number was more than three, and the number of drinks he'd had was approaching ridiculous. Anders could probably tell him, though. Anders was still sober, and seemed terribly amused with the idiot suggestions coming out of his mouth.
At some point, Artie had decided that he was going to be Anton, for the night, and see how many free drinks being the 'Champion of Kirkwall' would get him. And then drinks had turned into bottles and pitchers, and thank the Maker there were four of them — well, three, since Anders wasn't drinking — because any one of them would have died of booze, after drinking anywhere near all that, alone.
They were in some dive, down by the docks, Cormac thought, one of those places where no one knew who they actually were. One of those places where no one knew he was Artie's brother, and that was just fine by him. Anders had gotten up to see about getting them a room, because there was no way any of them were walking back to Hightown, in the shape they were in, and Cormac was groping his brother, under the table, much to Fenris's amusement.
Artemis leaned heavily against his brother. He smacked and licked his lips, brow furrowed in confusion. "I can't feel m'lips," he announced to the table. "Fenris. Fenris, can you feel my lips?"
Fenris squinted at Artemis over his most recent bottle, not sure what was in this drink, let alone how much he'd had. Fenris leaned in and gave Artie a messy kiss, missing on his first attempt. "They're still there," Fenris informed him, nodding, "if a bit harder to find than usual."
"All right, you drunkards," Anders said, returning. "We've got a room upstairs, which… is going to be fun to get to, isn't it."
"Fenris was just saying he was having a hard time finding my lips," Artie slurred, grinning. He cupped Fenris's chin with one hand and squeezed Cormac's thigh with the other.
"In fairness," Fenris replied, words distorted by the way Artemis smushed his cheeks, "s'not a problem I usually have."
Anders stifled a laugh behind his hand.
Cormac wrapped an arm around Artemis's chest and then tried to stand up and take his brother with him. However drunk he might be, he was extremely clear on the fact that his brother was his responsibility, and he was not to leave Artie in the middle of some Maker-forsaken bar, doubly so one in this part of town. Still took him three tries and some help from Anders to get to his feet.
Once on his feet, Cormac seemed to be able to stay there, which he attributed to years of living with Shakes-and-Quakes. It wasn't that the room was actually vibrating, but it might as well have been, and as bad as he might have been at boats, shaking was very different to rolling. "I could make it fun to get there," he slurred, with a wicked grin at Anders. "But, I think it's better if we wait to start the fun until the door's closed."
Anders blinked, then blinked again, then reached over the back of Fenris's chair and picked him up. "You're drunk enough to slur. I've never seen you that drunk," he told Fenris. "You're also tiny. So, we're going to do this the easy way. I'll carry you upstairs, and then come back for them, if they don't make it by themselves."
"Put me down, ma—" Fenris started, but Anders's hand clapped over his mouth.
"Don't say it. Not here."
Fenris grumbled something against Anders's hand, and Anders pulled his hand away before Fenris could bite it, his teeth clacking on air instead.
"Ahh, so you are a biter," Anders said, ignoring the elf's grumbling as he carried him up the stairs. "I owe Izzy five silver."
"I prefer betting with other things," Artemis told Cormac in what he thought was a whisper. He grinned, swaying into his brother as they made for the stairs, and licked a stripe up the shell of Cormac's ear.
Anders couldn't see what the brothers were up to, but he could guess. Fenris was still heavy for an elf, and he staggered under his weight. "The bartender is going to have some interesting stories about the 'Champion' in the morning," he said, and Fenris hummed in agreement.
Justice clattered against the inside of Anders's head, in that way he sometimes did, when they were alone and he had some revolutionary intention to get onto paper — too many words, too fast — and Anders struggled to calm him down enough to figure out what the intent of those words was, as he checked the numbers carved into the doors.
"Fenris. Open the door for me." Two sentences, and a wait for the elf to register he was being spoken to, between them.
"I'm not your—"
"No, but my hands are full," Anders pointed out, flexing both of them against Fenris's body.
"Right. Of course." It struck Fenris how strange it was they didn't have to finish sentences with each other, any more. He expected that with Artemis, but Anders… Perhaps he'd spent more time talking to the abomination than he'd thought. And that really wasn't the word he wanted, he supposed. Even Justice had never tried to hurt him, in all the years he'd known them. But, he didn't know another word for someone who carried a Fade-creature inside them. His hand slipped off the door handle a few times, before he managed to push the door open.
"Wait right here," Anders said, tossing Fenris onto the bed. "I have to go rescue the Messeres Slutty."
Which was a fairly accurate statement, Anders noticed, as he stepped back into the hall, to discover that Cormac and Artemis had made it up the stairs, but not much further. Cormac was leaned in a corner of the wall beside the stairs, engaged in an extremely sloppy kiss with Artemis, whose legs were wrapped around his waist.
Justice trilled impatiently in the back of Anders's head, but Anders ignored him for the moment, pausing in the hall to enjoy the inspiring, if uncoordinated, show. That enjoyment only lasted a moment before the brothers looked like they were in danger of toppling over, and Anders rushed forward to brace them.
"All right, 'Champion', Assface," Anders sighed. "If you could kindly disentangle yourselves long enough to get through the door, you could resume this activity on a bed. A bed that might include Fenris and myself."
Artemis purred around Cormac's earlobe, still nibbling at it as Anders coaxed him into lowering his feet to the floor. "That sounds cosy," he said, finally pulling back, one arm still wrapped around Cormac while the other curled around Anders's waist. "And you're going to have to try harder, Cormac. I still can't feel my lips."
Manoeuvring Fenris had been challenging enough, but manhandling a pair of handsy Hawkes was like corralling cats. When they finally stumbled their way into the room, Fenris was sprawled across the bed, staring dazedly up at the ceiling.
Justice surged forward, at the sight, which was extremely unusual, but Anders finally understood, and he meant to put a stop to it. 'You're going to regret that,' he thought, nudging Artemis toward the bed, as he wound himself around Cormac, hands lighting up with a wave of healing that he stroked into Cormac's face and chest. He knew better than to try to argue with Justice, by himself, and he needed Cormac just a little less drunk, for this.
"You all right?" Cormac asked, looking up as the healing washed through him, easing some of the throbbing behind his eyes and steadying the room a bit.
"I'm the only sober person in the room," Anders pointed out, stretching his leg back to nudge the door closed. "And Justice…"
"Shit," Cormac sighed. "What's he upset about? Is it obvious, but I was too drunk to notice?"
"Lyrium," Anders whispered.
Cormac looked confused, and then his eyes drifted toward the bed. "Anders, tell me the truth. Did I break your spirit? Did I do something I shouldn't have?"
Anders shook his head. "Not you. The library. That was all me." He sighed. "It was stupid and I shouldn't have done it, but…"
"Do I need to get glowy? Would that distract him?" Cormac asked, putting an arm around Anders.
Anders drew in a breath. He rubbed his cheek against Cormac's and breathed him in, trying to focus on him instead of the lyrium he could practically taste from here. "You could try it," he said, shrugging. "Can't hurt." Maker knew it couldn't end more disastrously than last time.
On the bed, Artie had curled around Fenris, hair still tousled where Cormac's hands had gripped it. He nuzzled under Fenris's chin, licking a long stripe up his throat, tracing the thick line of lyrium there. Fenris purred, curling an arm around his mage. "Want to try to find my mouth again?" Artemis asked. "Maybe with something other than your lips this time?"
"Mm, with what?" Fenris teased, tracing Artie's lips with the pad of his thumb. "With my finger? A toe?"
Artemis nibbled at Fenris's thumb. "With your knob," he slurred, reaching down and fumbling in Fenris's lap until he found said piece of anatomy. "I love how you taste. The lyrium in your knob makes your spunk taste like magic!"
Cormac choked on his tongue, eyes lighting on his brother in horrified amusement. He opened his mouth to make a joke, but the sudden blazing blue glow in his arms made everything a lot less funny. "Justice, no. Stay with me. I'm a lot more fun."
