[ Master Post ]
Title: Rhapsody In Ass Major – Chapter 165
Co-Conspirator: 
MaverikLoki
Fandom: Dragon Age
Characters: Cormac Hawke ♂, Artemis Hawke ♂, Fenris ♂
Rating: M (L2 N1 S3 V0 D0)
Warnings: You can say that with flowers?, Hawke-on-Hawke action
Notes: More flowers. Some unfortunate presumptions. A happy ending, for Artemis, at least.
Artemis assumed the flowers were from Cormac. It was a sound assumption, considering the amount of business he and his brother had given the florist over the years, but in all his life, Cormac had never spoken to him like that, whether through flowers or more conventional means.
"Well, that seems a bit harsh," he muttered, taking the vase from Orana, unsure what to do with it. Purple carnations, lavender, hydrangea… Artie knew Cormac was still sore over Anders (and for once he meant that metaphorically), but that was hardly necessary.
Orana gave him a sympathetic look, and Artemis wondered if her girlfriend had taught her how to read any flowers. Considering what he and his brother usually sent each other, he hoped not. "I assume you have a reply, messere?"
"Yes," Artie mumbled, setting the flowers down on the desk and pulling out a piece of paper and a quill. "Yes, I do."
"Flowers, messere." Bodhan had taken to assuming all the flowers arriving at the estate were for Cormac, unless they were orchids, in which case they were for Anton. Oddly, Bethany never received flowers.
Cormac looked up at the burst of orange in Bodhan's hand. "Marigolds?" He looked a bit grey. "Are they from my brother?" They'd better be, all things considered, but he hadn't done anything to his brother. He just couldn't imagine them being from Anders. Anders would have come upstairs and said something.
"I believe they are," Bodhan replied. "Unless you're expecting flowers from someone else…?"
Which meant Bodhan hadn't had a hand in sending them, which he probably would have, if the order had originated in the house. Not Anders, then. Cormac finally remembered to breathe. "That dick. I didn't even do anything," he grumbled. Unless this was about the other night. In which case this was much more serious than he wanted to deal with. "Send back chestnut and sunflower, and … feed those to Goatilda or something."
Artemis squinted at the new bouquet. "And now he's playing innocent?" he huffed, rubbing one sunflower petal between his fingers. Had Cormac been drinking? Did Artie need to be concerned? Well. Artie already was concerned, but now he was annoyed and concerned.
"What would you like me to do with them, messere?" Orana asked.
Artemis shrugged and spread his hands. "What would I like you do with them? Nothing polite, that's what. But… keep them I suppose. Maybe in the kitchen? They work with the colours there, if nothing else." He'd always been partial to sunflowers, though he'd never admit it, especially since he rarely had the opportunity to send or receive a flower that meant 'pure and lofty thoughts' to someone like Cormac.
Fenris returned while Artemis was still muttering about his brother. Artie stopped when he saw him and greeted his elf with a smile and a kiss. "Out gallivanting with Anton?" he asked. "I saw the half-eaten box of tarts."
"I was. We spent the afternoon dumping slavers in the bay. Quite satisfying, really." Fenris wrapped his arms around his mage. "Did you get my flowers? I… hope they were as appropriate as I thought them. I'm afraid I didn't understand some of the book…" He nuzzled Artie's cheek.
"Your…" Artemis sputtered, eyes growing wide. He held Fenris's shoulders and leaned back to look at him. "Your flowers? Those were from you?"
"Yes?" Fenris's eyes were round and hopeful.
"And… did you mean to call me an untrustworthy dick?"
Fenris looked horrified. "A what? No!" He sputtered, ears twitching. "I … no. Amatus, you know I wouldn't… That's… Is that what I meant? What I said? I need a different book. This is useless. I should have asked Anton to help me." He twitched, wanting to rub his face, but not wanting to let go of Artemis to do it. "No. I … carnations because I love you and you are unique and wonderful. Lavender because I will be with you until the end of time. Hydrangea because you, of everyone I've met, understand me. Was I wrong? How did I get that wrong?"
Artemis didn't quite manage to stifle the snicker bubbling up his throat. "That's… oh, Fenris." He tugged the point of one twitching ear teasingly, affectionately. "Maybe try a red carnation next time?" And that was the only difference, really: the colour. He'd been on the right track with everything else. "Maker. You've been learning flowers for me? That is the sweetest thing." He framed Fenris's face with his hands and pulled him up into a passionate kiss.
Grinning, Artie called out for Orana over his shoulder.
"Yes, messere?" she called from the doorway.
"Put the 'untrustworthy dick' flowers on the mantel. They should have pride of place!"
After three hours with no response, Cormac put his boots on. This was bullshit, whatever it was, and they were going to have it out. He tried to keep his face calm, as he knocked at his brother's door, expecting it wouldn't be Artemis who answered.
He was correct, of course. "Messere, I'm afraid they're… occupied," Orana told him, with a sly smile.
"That's fine. I'll wait."
Orana nodded and led Cormac through the house. It wasn't as if this was an uncommon situation, really. These brothers seemed to be fairly comfortable waiting for each other.
In the middle of the main hall, though, Cormac paused, hearing the sounds of Fenris very obviously ravishing his brother. This wouldn't take long, but he was profoundly annoyed. "Put your pants on and get down here, Artemis!" he shouted. "What the shit are you accusing me of?"
And then he spotted the flowers. Maker's balls, he'd have been pissed at himself, too. Except they weren't his flowers.
At the sound of Cormac's voice, Artemis's groans of "Oh, Fenris!" turned into "Oh, fuck."
Fenris growled in Artie's ear. "I am going to kill your brother."
"No, I…" Artemis cursed, head thunking back against the pillow. "I might deserve that. I thought the flowers were from him." He threw a hand over his eyes and let out a snorting laugh. "Sorry, Fen. I'll make it up to you. Lots of sparklefingers, promise."
Artemis and Fenris descended the stairs a few minutes later, hair rumpled but pants on. Fenris's glare threatened to bore holes in Cormac's face. "Hello, Cormac," Artie said, his smile sheepish. "I take it you got my flowers…"
"Marigolds? Really?" Cormac huffed, pointing to the flowers on the mantel. "If this has anything to do with those flowers, I had nothing to do with them. I don't know who the fuck else would be sending you flowers, but I'll be happy to punch them. I'd punch them if they were me!" He looked intensely irate, and then his eyes shifted to Fenris, who seemed to be trying to hide a guilty smile behind Artemis's shoulder.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" The tips of Cormac's fingers turned a deep indigo, but he didn't seem to notice.
Artemis positioned himself more squarely in front of Fenris, hands palm out. "No, no. No glowing!" he said, voice shaking with suppressed laughter. "Fenris was trying to learn flowers and made a miscalculation. Picture a red carnation instead of a purple one." He shrugged sheepishly, blue eyes wide. "Sorry about that. I saw flowers and assumed they were from you. I… whoops?"
Fenris arched an eyebrow at the back of Artemis's head. "Did you send your brother angry flowers? You sent him angry flowers, didn't you."
"He sent me angry flowers. He sent me marigolds!" Cormac slowly started to calm down, and the glowing subsided. "Well, not so much angry. Hurt and offended flowers. And … I didn't do anything, so…" He shrugged. "When I sent a response and I didn't hear back, I assumed he was so pissed he'd stopped talking to me. Wouldn't be the first time, but it never lasts long. I just wasn't taking it for something I didn't do." Especially not right now. Not twice in a week, from two different people.
"Sorry, brother-dear," Artemis said, smile still somewhere between amused and guilty. He stepped forward, stroked the side of Cormac's face and kissed the opposite cheek. "I was about to send you more flowers, but, er…" He threw a coy look over his shoulder at Fenris. "Well. I got a bit distracted."
"I preferred when you were 'distracted'," Fenris muttered, eyeing the bare line of Artemis's back.
Cormac reached up and slid a hand into the back of his brother's hair, curling his fingers as he whispered in Artie's ear. "Do you want to get down on your knees and make it up to me?" he asked. "Obviously Fenris wants to finish what he started, but I think you can satisfy us both. You'd be so lovely between us, like that time in the wine cellar, but with my knob in your mouth instead of just my hand on your shoulder." He really shouldn't, he knew. He didn't have the time. He had somewhere else to be, but he'd also been sitting in that chair for the better part of six days. He wouldn't stay, he decided, just this, and then he'd go back to the chair. With his luck, though, this would be the hour Anders came looking and didn't find him.
Artemis made a sound he would deny was a whimper. "That sounds… Maker." He tilted his head just enough to feel Cormac's fingers tug against his hair. He glanced down the hall to make sure Orana wasn't in sight. "Come upstairs, and I'll make it up to you as many times as you want."
Fenris sighed, wondering if this was going to be a regular thing, Cormac borrowing his mage until he and Anders worked out whatever problems they had. But he couldn't bring himself to mind too much when Artemis made that face, when Fenris would be able to touch him as well.
"Oh, just once," Cormac purred, nudging his brother toward the stairs. "I'm sure Fenris has innumerable other things he wants, and I won't get in the way of those. Really should get home, just in case…" Just to take his own mind off that, he wrapped an arm around Artemis's waist, slipping his fingers into those loosely-laced trousers to teasingly stroke that still-throbbing knob.
