Title: A Visitation (part 1)
Characters: Vivian Brightman, various angels and demons
Warnings: Irreverent Catholicism, heavy mysticism, some swearing, and fanboy Japanese
Notes: A man dies and goes to hell, but one of those points is false.
"Yare yare…" he drawled, gazing up at the red stone and brilliant golden gates. "So, this is where I’ve been sent to, is it?"
The fallen cherub inspecting him nodded briskly. "You seem rather nonchalant about it. I assure you we’ll correct that attitude shortly."
He cocked his head and nodded an acknowledgment.
"I see you take your job very seriously. I can respect that. However, what we have here is a grave situation beyond your control or mine. I prefer not to catch a dedicated agent in the crossfire."
"Man thinks he’s a lawyer," the cherub remarked, to no one in particular.
"On the contrary, boyo — I am anything but. Bring me your supervisor. I wish to engage in a debate. If this needs to go higher, which I know it does, I shall content myself to enjoy the lovely and summery air of this place in the mean time." The man smiled lazily at the cherub. "After all, I have all the time in the world, don’t I?"
"You know my master can’t send you upstairs, either, right? I mean —"
The man interrupted the cherub with a wave of his hand. "No, I know that. That’s not really the point of contention, here."
Now, the cherub looked truly confused. "Wait, what? Then what on the blood of my unholy mother are you arguing about?"
"Quite simply," said the man, with a smile, "I’m not dead."